#i think of how he is so much...hes so many ways 2 me...

[not-human-never-human]

the thing is statistics are worse than unreliable.

its pretty common knowledge that the statistics of black crime dont factor in *why* many blacks commit the crimes they do. some do it for ' evil ' reasons but a lot of it has to do with poverty , mental health issues, and rampant drug abuse. this is convinently left out of these statistics however,

on the flip side , what about men and women?

i wont deny that men are more violent on average. sure.

but i think as it is now crime committed by women is *heavily* underreported,

women *are* seen as the perpetual victims of society. this makes it more likely for them to not be reported to the police by on lookers. furthermore, i genuinely believe women are better at getting away with crime.

come on , theres no way you havent heard the tale told by at least one woman of ' my grandma killed her husband cuz she couldnt get a divorce and was never caught '

furthermore , for sex crimes in specific many men do not report if they got assaulted by a woman. many *women* do not report if they get assaulted by another woman,

in fact a teen boy having sex with an adult woman is not seen ' as traumatizing ' as a man assaulting a girl.

speaking from experience , ive been sexually harrassed twice in my life when i was a kid. by a boy who verbally harrassed me and a group of three girls who would try to break into the bathroom stall to catch me naked and take pictures of me,

a friend of mine - a girl - was physically sexually assulted by another girl.

ive meet *five* pedophiles in my life. 4 women and 1 man. of them , 2 were offending . both were the women. only one was caught and got a slap on the wrist for literally engaging in sexual practices with an underage boy,

(before you ask , i can not report the other one as i witnessed it all online , dont know her name or where she lives and i was a kid too at the time so its not like i knew much better about what i was seeing happening to my peer. he only told me much later and how it screwed him up)

and thats not even getting into the things i have seen online in the ~ map ~ spaces. the majority of these people i see are women .

so please forgive me if im skeptical that women arent nearly just as likely to do some pretty awful shit . i think its just men who are more overt and thus tend to get themselves caught lol

[daydreamgoddess14]

The Reading Rooms

Another week down... they just keep coming, don't they?! Sometimes I think it might slow down but then I realise that this is probably just my life now 😅

Previous weeks Masterlist

Always remember to heed the warnings posted by the individual authors. What I'm happy to read may not be what you're happy to read, so I take no responsibility if you find something you're not into.

And finally, Tumblr is a community. Reblog, gush like you've never gushed before - I promise you, the authors below will love it, and love you for it! We write because we love to, but we share our work because we love the community of it. If you read something you like, let the world know! 💕

The List

Such an exciting week! I hit 800 followers - considering I haven't planned anything for 500/600/700 yet I really need to get on with some kind of event 🤭 Lets see in a couple of weeks. I have an assignment due at the end of next week so if you see me here, no you didn't - ok? Writing wise, I posted the first chapter of Strategic Interests! It landed initially with a bit of a whimper more than a bang - but I have FOUR chapters in the bag and I hate sitting on them so I'm going to post chapter 2 tomorrow 🙌 For my Hollywood AU lovers out there, For Your Consideration is coming, I promise - she's just being an angsty diva is all 😅

Onto the reading!

Bucky Barnes

Tension is a Loaded Gun by @keithyp00 - YESSSS this was so good, absolutely delicious!

@mercurial-chuckles - Yield to Me - that bloody cat! So cute and angry but not at you Bucky is just perfection!

where the quiet lives by @cursedheartsclub is literally the most beautiful. An absolute must read this week - it's divine.

@sunday-bug knows the way to my heart. Light as a Feather was the cutest, fluffiest, perfectest little nugget of joy I needed!

I recommended Jenga a few weeks ago... there's a Part 2! Now go and thank @skaye44 nicely!

A Home with You @donaweasley so romantic, so sweet, so lovely! 💕

Wounded Pride by @orellazalonia was so fun!

I will never apologise for putting Declassified on this list every bloody week. @dreamwritesimagines posted chapter 9 and I remain utterly obsessed with the HURDLES she puts in their way! Meanwhile I'm itching for these dolls to kiss already!!

That Was Mine by @societyfolklore YUMMMMY Bucky is the only snack I need.

holy SHIT @buckyseternaldoll - knifes edge AND eighteen hours AND every inch, every corner were ALL so hot. SO HOT!!! Also, Elle has gone from about 70 to 700 followers in about two days. RIP her notifications but so, so deserved! Congratulations sweetheart! 😘

The Escort by @azriona was EXCELLENT and everyone slept on it! and I also read Even on a Thursday (Peggy x Steve) In fact, you all need to haul ass to Azriona's blog and catch up with the many deaths of Clint Barton AND her new Stucky x Reader fic Reflections which I need to catch up on!

John Walker

From the Bottom of my Heart; fuck you. by @rissararity - I mean, the title alone is incredible, right?! This was so great!

Harder by @geeky-politics-46

Bob Reynolds

Pouring My Love onto You by @feelingdozy was adorable 🥹

I am confessing my eternal shame here. I read a gorgeous Bob fic where he grows a little bit of a beard and reader has a glorious oh shit moment when she realises how hot he is.... and NOW I CAN'T FIND IT!!! When I find it - and I will, I promise I will reblog the shit out of it. In the meantime, if you know the one I mean - link it!!

Joaquin Torres

Misunderstanding by @lives-in-midgard was so super cute!! I love Joaquin so much 🥹🥹

Jake Seresin

Feels Like Home by @crossskylinesandcontrails - gorgeous!!!

And that's the week. I'm calling it there even though there are about 956,934 fic in my drafts to read. I need to stop writing for a hot minute so I can read instead... but the muse is here and I don't want to kick the bitch out so I'm afraid I must write!

[sparrows4bats]

Wayne Farm AU Part 2

The Unicorn Incident starts like any other day. Bruce is trying to convince his son to leave his state of the art farm to go to school. He is failing.

Damian had been up all night with his pet tiger, Bianca. She was apparently feeling sad, and cuddles were the only solution.

Bruce had a heart attack when he got back from patrol to see Damians room empty and had Zeta Tubed to the farm.

(He had relented and outfitted the Cave at the farm with a zeta tube, bat computer, and small arsenal of emergency supplies. He's still not sure how Talia built an actual underground cave and then filled it with bats. He's a little upset that she bought the farm in the first place, but there is now another safe place for his children to go in case of emergency, so it's fine! Really! Also, Talia refuses to take it back)

He has a further heart attack when he finds him asleep with a fully grown tiger tucked firmly around him like a living blanket.

When he goes to wake his child up, he gets judgemental looks from the Tiger! She even growls at him when he dares to gently shake Damian awake.

His sleepy youngest son refuses to leave his tiger or his farm, and Bruce feels himself start to give in due to his pout and drowsy cuteness.

It does not help that Damian could have a PhD. by now if Bruce hadn't wanted him to socialise with people his own age who aren't superheros.

He considers getting Alfred to come and intervene, but Alfred takes great joy in Bruce dealing with his children's stubbornness as payback for the many tantrums and grey hairs Bruce caused the butler as a child.

Damian is debating the ethics and effectiveness of the American school system and how it has not been meaningfully innovated since the industrial revolution when something catches Bruce's eye.

Behind Damian and the judgemental tiger, there is a flash of white just outside the boundary of the enclosure.

Damian notices his gaze shift and stops arguing to turn around.

"Is that a unicorn?"

Bruce feels any hope he had for the day leave his body. "I think so." He looks at his transfixed child and dreads his next question."Is it yours?"

"No."

"Damian."

"Father."

"Did you get a unicorn and fail to inform me?"

"No, father, but I do have space in the stable if they require a home."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because we know nothing about it or where it even came from."

Damian looks over at the unicorn, who is happily munching on the wildflowers that Damian had grown around the farm to encourage the bee population. "They seem content."

"No. I am calling Constantine, and I'm sure we can find out where they belong and return them to their natural habitat." Bruce reasons.

Something in his wording must get through to his son because Damian nods and starts to leave the enclosure with Bruce following behind.

Bruce manages to get through to Constantine on the fourth try while he watches Damian inch closer and closer to the unicorn.

The warlock sounds like he just woke up, but after a few terse orders, a portal opens and a dishevelled John Constantine walks through, smoking a cigarette and glaring.

"Good morning to you." He grunts.

"Thank you for coming." Batman bites outs.

"Didn't give much of a choice now, did you? I expect a favour for waking me up, by the way."

Bruce glares harder and grunts.

"What can I do for you Batsy?"

"Get rid of it."

"What?"

"The unicorn, get rid of it. Now."

They are interrupted by said unicorn walking forward to Damians outstretched hand.

The boy gasps in delight when the mythical beast allows him to pet it. Its large head bent towards the child like an oversized dog.

"Shite. Well, no can do, I'm afraid."

"Explain." Bruce fights the urge to yank Damian back, away from the potential threat.

"Unicorns are stubborn, annoying, bastards. They keep themselves hidden from most of the world and usually have to be summoned through some heavy duty rituals to appear in this realm of existence."

"Then how did it end up here?" Bruce grits his teeth as his son leads the unicorn towards the stable to get it some food. It follows him happily.

The warlock is suddenly grinning at him. "The unicorn appears and basically chooses a person, someone they feel a connection to. Some think it's linked to purity of heart, but that's bullshit made up to sell t-shirts."

"Is it dangerous?!"

"No, not especially. It's like having a large magical stray cat. You can try to separate them, but Unicorns will just teleport back to their chosen person. Treat it well, and it looks like your little Robin will have a friend for life."

"No, get rid of it!"

"You try to convince an extradimensional horse with an attitude problem to leave his new human pet and then come talk to me." John Constantine looks delighted now. Bruce resists the urge to strangle him. Barely.

"It's looks like you have the space, at least," the sorcerer indicates to the meadows that surround them. "I thought you lived in a gothic castle or something. This doesn't really feel like your scen- is that a tiger?" The English man stops to stare at Bianca.

"It's not mine, it's robins."

"The kid has a farm? and a tiger?"

"They were a gift from his mother."

John looks at the Batman frown and starts laughing uncontrollably. "You mean to tell me that in the game of divorced parents, the great Batman is losing!"

"Shut it!" Bruce's order but that seems to make the man laugh harder.

"Father! The unicorn has requested to stay here, I have accepted this honour and, as such, need to acquire a few materials to ensure his care."

"Robin, that's not a good idea." Bruce tries to reason only to get interrupted by Damian stomping his foot.

"Fine, then I shall ask Mother. She is quite adept at finding magical items. She did so with Goliath ."

"Do not call your mother!"

John is looking between them like it's a tennis match. Bruce wants to wipe the grin off his face, badly.

Damian looks him imploringly. "So I can keep her?" The unicorn is standing behind his son using him as a scratching post.

Bruce wants to say no, force John Constantine to banish the damn unicorn away from Gotham but Damian is smiling as he pets his new friend.

He looks so happy and at peace that Bruce knows he is going to cave soon.

The unicorn takes the opportunity to mess up Damian hair while he giggles.

Bruce has never heard his son giggle before.

"Fine. But you have to go to school, no arguments."

"Thank you!" Damian actually separates from the magic horse to hug him, Bruce embraces him as enjoys the rare moment of affection.

Until John Constantine buts in. "Aww now isn't this lovely. So touching, huh Bats."

"Leave if youre not going to be helpful." Bruce orders over his sons head.

The warlock has a shit eating as he addresses Damian. "But I can help Unicorns prefer certain food and plants. I can get you a few books Robin."

"That would be much appreciated, Mr Constantine. As I have you here, is there anything you know about Dragons?"

"Dragons?"

"I have a Dragon and a Dragon bat both seem content, but I wish to provide them with more stimulation."

"Alright then, can I see them? Can't promise I'll be any help though ' John looks genuinely intrigued as Damian leads him on a tour of his farm, Bruce has a bad feeling about how quickly Damian takes to the magic user.

He is proved correct when a few weeks later, after John Constantine starts dropping off magical Strays, much to Damians delight.

Bruce is sure he is doing it to annoy him, and it is unfortunately working. He loses it after the gryphon shows up and starts racing with Goliath and Wiggles through the sky.

The Justice League is very confused why Batman is so murderous and John is so gleeful.

Luckily for the Hellblazer, Jon Kent replaces him on the top of Bruce's shit list soon enough.

[ineffectualdemon]

Ok so first of all reading Shen Qingqiu's description about without a cure's cure and how it was discovered by the protagonist and it's really interesting how it matches up with Bingqiu's relationship and Maigu Ridge

First off all I find it interesting that at this point we don't get told this incident is Luo Binghe's first time or Qin Wanyue's name. Those come later.

Second let's go through the timeline with Shen Qingqiu of the PIDW event

1.

in order to save the male lead —whom she's known for less than two hours — that graceful little shimei let herself be hit by a demon's underhanded trick, and the poison contaminated her body. Luo Binghe felt an absolute obligation to save her

SVSSS Vol 1 Pg 142

First of all, how Qin Wanyue originally was poisoned is mirrored by how Shen Qingqiu got poisoned. Yes Shen Qingqiu had been in in this universe for longer then 2 hours but how much of that time had actually been near or around Binghe? He barely knows Binghe as a person at this point. He still had him locked into the role of a Character!

2.

It just so happened that, deep within the mountains where the Immortal Alliance Confrence was being held, there grew a mythical thousand-year-old flower...

...

Luo Binghe was sure this legendary flower would cure the poison

SVSSS Vol 1 Pg 142-143

This foreshadows the argument about the flower during the actual Immortal Alliance Confrence between Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu.

Also minor note: Binghe and Qin Wanyue look for the flower for 3 days while fighting monsters at the conference. But when we experience the conference it happens so quickly

That's just food for thought

3.

The girl thought, "Since I'm about to die, I must leave behind some memories to ensure my life won't have been in vain. I don't have many days left after all, so I won't suppress my feelings anymore."

SVSSS Vol 1 Pg 143 (bold for emphasis by me)

Shen Qingqiu displays this attitude twice.

Once when he self detonated, he let himself honestly reach out to Binghe in both comfort and apology for what happened at the conference. For all that it was a real death in order to swap to a new body he was, I felt, honest in that last moment in giving the comfort he always wants to give Binghe.

Second was at Maigu Ridge. He again wants to reach out to Binghe with comfort and love and affectio. I don't think the moment they have sex is that moment for him, even though he sees it coming and accepts it. It's when he gives Binghe the fake jade pedant and says his piece about what he would do if he was pregnant with Binghe (that's such a weird sentence)

As awful and violent as that sex in that scene is that moment Shen Qingqiu is just feeling and being with Binghe. He's loving him the way he wants to. And that includes the violence. He is accepting both Binghe's violent and possessive side and his tears and wish to care and be cared for in return.

4. This is where it gets ugly

(cut for discussions of rape in the narrative)

she pushed Luo Binghe down.

Luo Binghe put up a brief show of resistance before telling himself "She did it all for my sake. I don't have the heart to reject her final wish." He yielded, still half-reluctant, and went along with it..."

...

After the down and dirty scene, the girls poison was naturally cured!

SVSSS VOL 1 Pg 143 (emphasis mine)

Ok here we get into it.

Shen Qingqiu goes on to call this cliche and ridiculous but also satisfying

But it's rape.

It's rape by coercion and emotional manipulation but it's rape.

Now I have been guilty of saying Maigu Ridge isn't rape of Shen Qingqiu. And to an extent it's arguably not. Shen Qingqiu is the most coherent in that moment and does agree and even help it happen to an extent. But it's because he's trying to save Binghe from Xin Mo.

In actuality the more I think of it it's rape on both sides.

Luo Binghe cannot consent in that moment. But it's also a rape of coercion via emotional manipulation for Shen Qingqiu but not by Luo Binghe. Luo isn't coercing him into the act for all that it can seem like that (and probably haunts Luo Binghe as)

No it's worse then that.

Shen Qingqiu is raped by the narrative

These types of books demand a sex scene usually and Shen Qingqiu himself expects to be raped based of his sister's danmei

And usually consent doesn't matter if it's satisfying to the reader

Scum Villian's Self Saving System is a critique of both the genre conventions of harem novels and it's readers but also of danmei

That's why the fact that PIDW Luo Binghe was coerced into sex for his first time was seen as immensely satisfying by readers of PIDW

Shen Qingqiu, once he realises he's in a Danmei, expects his consent to not matter in providing a satisfying story

Which is why Maigu Ridge is not a sexy scene. It's not a satisfying scene. It's deeply sad and upsetting. Shen Qingqiu just finds it a painful and traumatising duty to save the person he loves

Luo Binghe finds it horrifying and psychologically scarring

Neither of them enjoys what we forced on them in the end.

It is a rape scene. They are both being raped by the narrative because it's the ingredients if a satisfying story. And then the narrative looks at us as says "well? Aren't you satisfied? Isn't this what you wanted?"

And that's awful but also brilliant writing.

[cultkinkcoven]

“It’s just the way that you record your conversations makes it seem like Lucifer is talking to you directly and that’s not possible.”

I’m gonna ask you all something that might sound really wild.

Have you ever tried it? Like no, seriously.

Have you ever actually just written everything down? No filler, just pure communication. Ask. Answer.

Actually. I’m serious. Have you done it? How many times have you attempted it, how consistently?

Have you ever entered into the ritual space, into a meditation, into a trance, into an operation, with the intention of recording whatever you receive, regardless of if it makes sense? Have you ever just listened?- not just with your ears, but with your everything?

Do you trust your God?

Can you truly submit to them without needing to have control?

Do you trust yourself? Have you learned how to?

Are you comfortable with the possibility of getting it wrong? Of failing and having to try again? Of having to be consistent and keep practicing until it is right?

Are you comfortable with the prospect that sometimes, there really is nothing? Sometimes, you are unsuccessful, and you have to take that failure and try again tomorrow.

Are you comfortable with the prospect that it takes devotion?

Don’t get me wrong, you should be using tools. I use tools: tarot, dice, sticks, pendulums, etc. Results that are replicable across multiple mediums are stronger than those that aren’t. Messages that I am unsure of can be verified with tools and tests. People who aren’t able to or uncomfortable channeling or sensing using their bodies are just as capable of doing great work with tools.

But have you ever genuinely just tried to strengthen that muscle? Your own ability to perceive and locate. Your ability to identify your God’s voice and differentiate it from your own?

How often have you practiced that?

My writings sound direct? Thats the goal. To filter through all of the other noise and get down to the most important point, the symbol, the message, the reason why I came in the first place. When I experience these conversations or events they are abstract, messy. When I write them down and read them out in plain text, it becomes clear. Individual insights reveal an entire message, an entire concise conversation- and that is what is valuable for me to document. When it tracks, it tracks, and there is infinite value in recognizing when it tracks.

I enter into a space of trust. I ask him. I record what I receive. Not necessarily the image, the sensation, the synchronization, the result of the dice roll, but the idea. The message, the core. What is he trying to tell me? What is he revealing now that I previously did not know? What can I learn from this response?

Later I get to interpret. I get to realize “that shit made absolutely no sense” or “holy shit this makes a lot more sense now” or even, “nope, that was me not him, I got distracted, I influenced too much, I need to try that again.”

If you think these things are impossible, maybe just try it. Maybe it won’t be for you, maybe that’s not the kind of craft you’re personally meant to partake in, maybe you have other talents. But I always think it’s so interesting when people claim this act is impossible. 1 because, offline, in very established cults and organizations- this is very common knowledge- everyone kind of understands how this works- but 2, because it usually comes from people who would never really be in the position to experience it even if it was real.

At some point in my practice I stopped caring about proving magic. It’s one of those 101 things, proof is great, don’t get me wrong. But impact, that’s the gold. Can I prove in any real way that Lucifer said anything to me? No- not really. But I do feel my mind shift and I do have that “holy shit- wait” moment, and I do learn something, I do leave that ritual different than I entered. And my questions are answered. And I return because I trust he will answer me again. That’s faith.

So yes, my communication does seem direct. I challenge you, even just as an experiment, to record your next communicative session in a very plain and direct way. What did you want to know? What do you think they said? Take as long as it takes. Sometimes you won’t get an answer for a whole hour. Sometimes it’ll feel like there’s so much you can’t write fast enough. Sometimes you fail and need to try again later. That’s the beauty of the game.

Try it.

[honeybeeznutz]

It's Better This Way: Part 2

Part one: https://www.tumblr.com/honeybeeznutz/785301063173603328/its-better-this-way?source=share

Summary:

You fall for Bob but you aren't the only one, but it gets harder to hide how you feel

Warnings:

swearing, brief use of Y/N, angst, unresolved feelings, drinking

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn’t anticipate the evening going this way. I just planned on sitting around in sweatpants and an old tshirt from high school, but here we are. Now I’m dressed up in a dress that shows off everything I’d normally hide, in a dingy bar with music blasting. I take another sip of my old fashioned and observe the group. Alexei is watching over the group, a bottle of vodka in hand. Ava and John were arguing over some tv show, I have no idea. I look to the corner and Yelena is nursing a vodka cranberry with Bob by her side. I take another drink. Bucky sidles up next to me at the bar. 

“You good kid?”

He asks knowing I’m not

“Just tickled shitless.”

I respond without looking up from my drink. Bucky knew what was going on. Of course he did. I wasn’t exactly being cryptic about my swooning at the moment. 

“You’ve gotta tell him. ”

He starts. I go to argue but he cuts me off. 

“Trust me. I know what it’s like to love someone you feel like you can never have…. To love your best friend…. But learn from my mistakes. Take that chance. Talk to him…. Before it’s too late… Before he chooses her without knowing you were an option.”

With that he grabs another beer and leaves me alone. 

Before long we’re all crowded around one table and John is trying to get us to do shots. I look over and Yelena whispers something in Bob’s ear. He giggles. I take a shot. One turns to three, turns to too many to count. One minute I’ve got a light buzz, the next I’m partway through a bottle of Tito’s. We’re all laughing and carrying on when someone starts playing the run down jukebox in the corner. Your Man by Josh Turner starts blaring through the background and John looks like he’s won the lottery

“Someone dance with me!”

He begs. Everyone groans. Yelena rolls her eyes and leans more into Bob. I take John’s hand and follow him to the makeshift dance floor to the sound of whoops and hollers from our group. I turn to see Bob. He looks…. Almost upset. I shake my head and turn back to John. We start to slow dance and he holds me close. 

“So,”

He starts

“When are you gonna tell him?”

“Tell who what?”

“Bob that your madly in love with him”

I pull back and shoot him a look. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just friends. And even if we weren’t he had Yelena.”

John rolls his eyes. 

“All I’m saying is it’s a bit pitiful seeing a strong girl like you moping over a man.”

“And I think it’s a bit pitiful you won’t shut up and dance with me!”

He rolls his eyes, shaking his head. We finish dancing and I stumble back to the bar stool. I order another round and the shots start flowing again. 

A random man approaches me. 

“Hey there beautiful~”

He slurs out. I start to roll my eyes but I can see Bob out of the corner of my eye. Screw it.

“Hi there~”

He goes on to tell me he’s some business man looking for a good time. I honestly couldn’t care less, my body feels warm the way only too much liquor can make it, and I’m ready to make some bad decisions. I let him lead me to the dance floor and we start to dance. I don’t think too much of it and we’re dancing with my back to his chest. I feel him grind against me and I try to pull away but strong hands keep me there. 

I look around for someone to help but the only person I see is the exact person I don’t want to. Ava and Yelena are dancing, Alexei and Bucky are arm wrestling and John is judging. Bob just sits there and stares at me. He quickly looks away when he notices me looking though. 

“Let go of me!”

I struggle against him. The next thing I know Bob is between me and the guy. His eyes a shining gold. The Sentry is out. Shit. I pull Bob away and we head outside the bar. 

“What the hell was that?”

I ask. 

“I could have handled that myself!”

“Bullshit!”

He grabs me and starts to look me over. 

“Did he hurt you?”

“What do you care?”

I slur out

“What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I care.”

“Nuh uh, you’re too busy caring about Yelena!”

I pull away from him and start to walk. To where I don’t know, but I need to be away from him. Drunk or not I know it’s bad for me to be alone with him. Especially in an altered state. 

“Where are you going?”

He quickly follows after me

“Anywhere but here!”

He calls my name but I ignore him. I walk past an alley and he grabs me. He pushes me against the wall and holds my wrists so I can’t move. If I wasn’t so upset I’d be dead from the sheer closeness. 

“What is your problem?”

He asks. 

“What’s *my* problem? What’s your problem?”

I shoot back pointedly. 

“Why are you acting like this? Why have you been avoiding me? Why have you ghosted me? We’re supposed to be friends!”

He sounds tired, and if I wasn’t in so much pain myself I’d feel bad for him.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Bullshit”

“I can’t. It’ll ruin everything.”

“It won’t ruin anything.”

So I do it. Without a second thought I kiss him

Now True Believers it’s your turn to decide how it ends:

Happy ending:

He kisses back with ferocity. It’s like a missing piece slips into place and everything is right in the world. He pulls back for a second. 

“You’re drunk…. We shouldn’t do this”

“But I still know what I want. And it’s you.”

“Is this why you’ve been so distant?”

“I know how close you are with Yelena, and I care about both of you so deeply…. But I love you Bob… I love you and I want you. And I know I’m drunk right now but I need you.”

Bob smiles at me gently.

“Yelena and I are just close friends…. And I love you too…. We can talk about this tomorrow when you’re sobered up, okay?”

I nod and smile. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow. 

Unresolved ending:

He immediately pulls away.

“You’re drunk, we can’t do this!”

“But I want this! I may be drunk but I know what I want. I need you Bob, I love you! And it breaks my heart every time I see you with Yelena! I need you!”

“Look, let’s get you home…. We’ll talk about this in the morning….”

“Promise?”

“Promise…”

I let him walk me home. I let him carry me home. We make it to my room and he helps me into my pajamas. As soon as my head hits the pillow I’m asleep. 

When I wake up my head hurts and I crave water. I stumble into the kitchen. I see Bob making breakfast. 

“Morning sleepy head.”

He says looking absolutely exhausted.

“I drank way too much…”

“Yes you did…. Do you remember much of last night…”

“Not really, were we supposed to talk about something.”

I see the wheels turning in his head. I remembered what happened. I remember him promising.

“Nope. Not that I know of.”

Bad ending:

He immediately pushes me away

“What the hell!”

“I- you told me to”

“Y/N….. No….. Look you’re drunk and you’re not thinking and-“

“I may be drunk but I know what I want! I know I’m not the one you want but I love you Bob! You’re my best friend and I love you! And I love Yelena but not like you. And I’m sorry if you hate me now but I need you to know how I feel!”

He takes a step back and leans against a wall. He puts his head in his hands and shakes his head.

“I’m sorry… but I’m in love with Yelena…. It’s always been her. You’re my best friend too  y/n  but I love her…. Not you…. I should…. I should go….”

“Wait, Bob- please!”

“I’m sorry…. But I just see you as a friend….”

He keeps talking. Apologizing for not choosing me, but I don’t listen. I just walk away. Back into the bar. I remember ordering another shot. I don’t remember how I got home. I don’t remember how I got back in my bed. I woke up the next morning with a note on the side of my bed.

“You’re my best friend. We can talk when you’re ready.”

I wasn’t ready though. I put on a fake smile and walk into the kitchen where the rest of the team were relaxing.

“There’s the party animal!”

John laughs. I roll my eyes and pour myself a cup of coffee. I look to Bob. He has his arm around Yelena. He looks at me as if there was anything left to say. I take a swig of my coffee and sit down next to Bucky. 

“I drank way too much last night….”

“Yes you did, but I’m very proud of you!”

Alexei beamed. Bob looks like he wants to say something when Yelena interrupts

“You kept apologizing for ruining things last night, what was up with that?”

I look at Bob. I bite my lip and then grin. 

“No clue, I was really drunk and I say dumb stuff when I’m like that.”

I don’t know what hurt more. The fact the conversation with Bob never came, or how he acted like nothing ever happened. As if I hadn’t laid my heart out on the line for him and he’d squashed it with a simple “I’m sorry”. It wasn’t his fault. Days turned to weeks, turned to months and nothing was said again about it. My feelings never went away, but I learned to deal with them. Learned to pretend to be happy for Yelena when she confessed she liked him to me. I pretended to be happy for them when they went public. They were my best friends. They were happy. I was broken and hiding behind a mask. But they were happy. It’s better this way.

[secretlycursedd]

I watched Supernatural for the first time in my life, and here are my possibly unpopular opinions (p.s. I ship Wincest and I didn't buy into the D*stiel propaganda that my friend tried to sell me. So I kindly request that if you are a fan of D*stiel or Castiel, you better not read this). Also English is not my native language, so sorry for any mistakes:

1. Kripke era >>> other seasons, but I absolutely don't like season 4;

2. Season 8 is my top 1 for Wincest (literally from the very beginning we get jealousy, a love triangle or more like love square, a scene in the church, everything was just perfect);

3. Benny = Amelia (Sam and Dean were jealous in a completely non-platonic way);

4. Roadkill is in the top 5 of my favorite episodes of the entire series;

5. Blonde Ruby>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Brunette Ruby. This has nothing to do with the actresses, but blonde Ruby was perfect, while brunette Ruby was one of the reasons I didn't like season 4 (and no, it's not because she's bad or more evil, she just felt a little emotionless and didn't have the charisma and fire that blonde Ruby had);

6. Season 10 was almost as bad as season 7 (according to my friend, many people said that season 10 was one of the best, and I was very surprised to learn this information);

7. Those who ship D*stiel or spread their propaganda are people who just need to see two men kiss on screen, because in the entire series, D*stiel didn't have anything that interested me in their relationship (to quote Mr. Ackles, D*stiel doesn't exist);

8. Sam and Castiel had more interesting moments than Dean and Castiel;

9. Overall Castiel was one of the most boring characters for me, and the highlight of the whole series was his death;

10. Jack is one of the best characters in the whole series, who got the most unfair ending of all (he deserved a family, not the work of God);

11. Balthazar and Gabriel were the most interesting archangels and deserved much more screen time and storylines (especially Balthazar, he was killed too early);

12. The storyline with the fall of angels and their problems was one of the most boring;

13. I don't think the ending of the series was bad. After reading all the reviews on the internet about how it was terrible, I expected to see something completely disgusting and illogical, but I was satisfied and gave it a 7/10. I can't imagine any other ending that would be better than the canon one;

14. I'm pretty sure that many people who ship D*stiel are actually latent Wincest fans, who are afraid to admit it to themselves (if Sam and Dean weren't brothers, but acted the same way, then everyone would ship them, not D*stiel);

15. You can dislike and not understand incest, but it's stupid to deny that Sam and Dean are written like more than brothers, this is not a fan fiction, it is literally canon;

16. The only thing I didn't like about the finale was the idea that Sam had a son whom he named Dean, personally I was not a fan of this storyline at all;

17. Eileen was the wost love interest for Sam, Jessica and Sarah were the best;

18. The final season would have been more interesting if Jessica came back to life, not Eileen;

19. Benny was more interesting to ship with Dean than Castiel;

20. Mary's return felt unnecessary and empty, and in some ways it ruined her character in my eyes (not because she was an independent woman who didn't want to coddle her adult sons, but because of many other factors in her character that only ruined her more each time).

These are the thoughts I can remember now (I finished watching the entire series on May 26 and am now actively reading fan fiction, but I plan to start rewatching the whole series soon), but nevertheless, if anyone wants to share their opinions, I will be interested in reading them)

[thequasarwinds]

(OKAY SO SO SORRY FOR THIS- THIS GOT SO OUT OF HAND IM SORRY I JUST TAKE ANY EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT ANY OF MY FAVORITE GUYS IM SO SORRY- YOU DONT HAVE TO READ THIS- I ALSO PROBABLY SOUND REALLY SNIFFY AND RUDE IM SO SO SORRY- AGAIN GUYS PLEASE PLEASE JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT AND PORTRAY THE CHARACTERS AS YOUD LIKE- IM JUST TALKING ABOUT LIKE IN CANON YA KNOW?? IDK IM SORRY)

YOU HONESTLY SEEM REAL SWEET /gen

and thank you!! I seem to get that compliment often- which always confuses me since I feel as if I’m very messy and disjointed with my written thoughts! That being said PLEASE forgive me for any confusion or mistakes! Additionally, please feel free to ask any questions for clarification’s sake!

Also forgive me if I come across as like weird or disjointed? I don’t get to talk to many fans of things that I like that are like- actually good (as of late) so I’m like REALLY excited)

OKAY OKAY SO THERES A LOT I CAN SAY ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID ON THATCHER

But, well I’m not the Thatcher person my twin @seasonalmoss is as I’m sure you know lmaoo (we write our stories (all fanfics- we don’t really do OCs) together- and we tend to “specialize” in particular characters to analyze- out of the two MCs of TMC Adam’s my guy not Thatcher)

so I’m gonna leave that for them!

And also I’m gonna save the LONG rambling I had about the the humanity of Thatcher and that being the sole hope (and bringing up his MANY similarities with Sarah and how that DEFINITELY applies to her too) for later lmaooo

what I DO want to bring up is how

YES YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT- KISTER IS VERY VERY GOOD AT SUBTLE CHARACTERIZATION

and I’m gonna use this as an excuse to talk about a little pet peeve of mine- which is how this fandoms portrays/characterize and refer to Adam (more of an excuse to talk about my favorite guy)

Kister wrote Adam in a very particular way- and there’s so many conditions and circumstances that changes his behavior (and even his speech patterns) that you need to properly account for. 1. analyzing his behavior (regardless you should ALWAYS count context in your analysis- but for Adam it is CRUCIAL or else you’ll completely get him wrong)

2. portraying him (in a manner most like canon- again please do what you want you guys!)

People know this of course but I don’t think I see much people like actually talking about it or portraying it- it’s more so just “ooo cool lore- haha tragic” which of course is largely due to the fandoms prioritizing the lore/world-building/alternate stuff (or generally the main horror elements) which is an even bigger pet peeve I won’t get into

but it’s not even that- it’s really just that people appear to only see him for being an alternate- not the very real human component of him- which is a shame bc it definitely seems as if Kister took great care to write Adam in that way. He could’ve very easily just made him all cold and heartless- not fitting in because he’s “not even a human ooo scary”- a creature rather than a person ya know? when really that’s not the case … he’s first just comes across as some guy- whose serious and a little crabby but who never seems to have much ill intent (when acting completely on his own accord- part of the tragedy of Adam ofc, is that the one thing in life you have full control over is your actions and behavior and the alternates just seem to completely strip him of that- he holds not agency really)

which is all just a VERY long way for me to say- I think people portray Adam way too bitchy and cold?? It’s so clear that how he’s acting in Vol. 4 is NOT how he usually acts- especially when you look at how Evelin and Sarah refer to him (which the TMC fandom would know if they actually paid attention to women 💀)- but I see far to many people act like this is the baseline for him?? Like as if he’d kick a puppy show no remorse?? Like remember the way he sounded reluctant and hesitant to steal a car again? Or the way he refused to “bust down a random lady’s door”- or even just the way he words certain things (“No worries. We got it on video you can look at it whenever your ready”). I know a lot of these seem very trivial- but seeing as this was all in his introductory video (so typically there should be some sort of highlight on his personality) as well as the fact he..like made the active choice to do/say those things, it says smth about him, even if it’s small. He’s not some super nice heroic saint but he isn’t some emotionless cold asshole. (Also Evelin did describe him as “always the nicest guy” That definitely means SOMETHING- Evelin doesn't seem to be the kind of person to just say shit- nor do I really think this is a case of rose tinted glasses seeing as this was after the argument. But also in the broader narrative context- this definitely seemed to be added to further the notion that Adam is behaving WEIRD not that it was necessarily trying to highlight a trait of Evelin’s but I can’t speak for Kister’s intentions on things!)

don’t get me wrong he’s still definitely morally grey and he’s still an ass about a LOT of things- but people tend to focus on things that isn’t entirely his fault when pointing out the shitty things he’s done. I do believe Jonah’s death and the way he behaved afterwards is still something that he DEFINITELY holds some blame for- but also a LOT of that seems to be not exactly under his control- it’s clear the alternate encounters effect how he acts- I don’t think normal Adam would’ve acted that way- Sarah points this out herself too- from “I thought you were better than this” in her argument with him and when we see her about to ask Adam “why are you acting like this” (<- wording may be off I haven’t looked back at it in a while so recollection of her exact phrasing isn’t the most clear for me atm). Not to mention his obvious guilt about Jonah’s death in Presto and his Journal. The primary thing that is fully on him is how he reacted to that entire Evelin situation. The argument the two have obviously isn’t (it’s clear he doesn’t remember it AT ALL)- but I’m not referring to that. It seems as if he was COMPLETELY dismissive and defensive when Evelin brought it up afterwards. I understand his side of things ofc! (And I honestly could go on about the psychology of it for HOURS) But I feel like when your partner comes to you about something you should probably respond with concern not just shutting it down and and getting defensive- and of course completely ghosting that person afterwards 💀💀 like if it isn’t super clear I LOVE Adam (I know it’s basic lmaoo- Half of the fandom seems to love that guy) but like wtf man 😭😭 (especially as someone whose like also an avid Evelin lover)

I know a LOT of this is just archetyping and flanderizing him- people ALWAYS love singling out like two traits of any character- blowing that way out of proportion and sticking characters in neat little boxes

But the TMC fandom has this weird habit of like- not even putting them into a “box” that even makes sense?? Like I see a lot of people portray Jonah as if he’s like some hyperactive jokester when he’s mostly just like a completely chill guy- he makes jokes ofc but he isn’t like some bright and happy sunshine character that I’ve seen sometimes portrayed as (or they see that’s he’s a stoner and portray him as some complete asshole?? For some reason??)- and back to Adam- I’ve seen him put in so many different “boxes” that it’s hard to even list 😭

or idk maybe I’m just repeating what millions do people already have- idk I’m so sorry if this is repetitive or like the most cold ass takes EVER- AND AGAIN IM SO SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS IS AGHH

(Don’t even get me STARTED on the way this fandom portrays Sarah and Evelin. It isn’t even a pet peeve it’s a genuine PROBLEM that I HATE 😭- sorry I don’t mean to sound rude- the misogyny of this fandom has begun to wear me down a little along with the general lack of proper character analyst- esp as someone who’s very particular with the way characters are portrayed and referred to! Ofc there’s no “right” way! Please guys do what you want! These are just my own feelings! I’m a character analyst I spend nearly ALL of my time picking apart characters- so I’m just picky don’t mind me)

AGAIN SORRY FOR ANY CONFUSION OR MISTAKES ITS LATE AND I HAVENT TAKEN MY MIGRAINE MEDS YET SO MY HEAD IS LEGIT SPINNING IM SO SORRY

AND ITS PROBABLY VERY BAD AND NOT VERY ANALYTICAL AGAIN IM SORRY😭😭😭

Lt. Thatcher Davis doodles!!!

dedicated to the person in here who said he's extremely underrated and i agree!!

imagine being forgotten by the fandom while being the protagonist. that's insane. also he's so badass please let's not ignore the fact he survived two whole encounters somehow?? late night doodles - sorry for the coloring!!! my laptop is really old so i try to correct it using my phone but it doesnt work as much. TMC has been consuming my life since 2022. please help me.

[whataboutnousernamelmao]

Jake always thought better in a dance studio.

Part 2 to this post

He knew that for many, the wall of mirrors could be intimidating, but he loved it. Not out of vanity, but because he loved to focus on small details. The shape of his hands. How his toes were pointed. The glint in his eye as he landed right on beat. It all felt so magical to him.

This morning, though, was just a warm-up. Some slow piano medley of Lady Gaga songs played in the background as he rolled his shoulders back. He let the movement flow through his body, shaking off any stiffness he had from sleeping on Javy’s couch.

He was also trying hard not to think about the stranger he texted. He never got the name of the man who gave him the phone (there was a text that called him “Mick,” but there was no chance that was it), less the name of the man on the other side.

He didn’t even know who the other man was. Not even a face he could assign any thoughts to. It was driving him a little crazy, but he tried to focus on other things. 

He caught his best friend’s reflection as he peeked into the room. He wiggled his fingers, saying hello. Jake smiled at him and tossed his head to say, “Get in here.”

Javy opens the door. “What time did you get up?”

Jake shrugged and then went back to his stretching. “Six.”

“So you went back to your place to get some more sleep before coming here?” Javy leaned on the door frame.

“Yup,” He lied. “Sorry about last night. Didn’t feel safe driving home after that bachelorette party bought me some shots.” 

That was another lie. There was no bachelorette party. But he wasn’t going to admit to Javy that he just felt so lonely in his apartment that it made it hard to sleep sometimes.

“It’s no problem, man. You know there’s always space for you on my cushions,” Javy walked over to Jake’s phone that was plugged into the speakers and checked what song was playing. “Huh.”

“If you make fun of my music, so help me God,” Jake said with his eyes shut.

“I’m not saying anything, just wasn’t the music I was expecting you to listen to this morning. Thought you’d be getting in some practice for tonight.”

Jake threw his head back and groaned. “I don’t need practice.”

“You’re just that good?” Javy smirked.

Jake stopped moving and turned to face him. “Want if I don’t want to?”

Javy pushes himself off the wall and starts walking. He pretended to be upset. “But, if you don’t teach a drunk handful of 30-somethings a line dance while stripping down to your underwear, who will?” He placed his hands on Jake’s shoulders and pouted.

Jake loved to line dance. It was one of the classes he taught at the studio to older women who loved to pinch his cheeks and offer to set him up with their grandchildren. When the club found out, they wanted him to teach there too, but with a “sexier” approach.

They had him teach on Thursdays and Sunday nights. He’d admit that sometimes it was really fun. He was able to forget that he was putting on a show for others and was just able to lose himself in the music, but other nights it felt like such a chore.

“Sunday crowds are the worst, and you know that,” Jake huffs.

“I know, which is why I’m gonna help you out of this funk that you’re in,” Javy claps. “Now, come on. Teach me the dance so I can help out tonight.”

- - -

Bradley had never checked his phone this much. After every sip of his cold brew, he would pick it up to check. Natasha had never seen him so impatient. “Who are you waiting for?”

“Huh?” She narrowed her eyes at his phone. “Oh, sorry. It’s just. Have you heard from Mickey at all today?”

Natasha laughed. “Bradshaw, it’s 9 A.M. on a Sunday. There’s no way Mickey is awake right now. And if he is, I’m sure Rueben has him preoccupied,” She smirks behind her coffee mug.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” Bradley puts his phone face down, and awkwardly scrubs his palms on his jeans.

They sat in silence for a moment. He admired the clouds. She stared at him in disbelief.

“So are you going to tell me why you’re acting this way? Or do you just want me to pretend like everything is normal?”

“Preferably the second?”

Natasha shook her head. The waiter came over with two plates.

“Western omelet?” He placed it in front of Bradley, who thanked him quietly. “And French toast casserole for you, ma’am.”

As he set the plate in front of Natasha, her cheeks heated up. “Thank you.”

He smiled back. “Of course,” He seemed to whisper only to her. He reeled back. “If there’s anything I can get either of you, please let me know.”

Bradley watched him walk away over his shoulder. “So is your big fat crush on this guy the only reason we still come here for brunch? Because I heard Sandy’s on Crystal Street has a great mimosa deal-”

“We’re not going to Sandy’s,” Natasha said pointedly. She stabbed her food. “So what do you need Mickey for?”

Bradley sighed. “Him and Reuben went out last night.”

“Yeah, it was Saturday. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Mickey paid one of the dancers to text me.” 

Natasha laughed loudly. “You’re kidding me. Man, he is so smart sometimes,” Bradley rolled his eyes at her. He cut into his omelet. “How was your private conversation?” She smirked.

He shrugged. “Good?”

“Really selling it there, Bradshaw.”

“I liked it, okay? He-Let me just show you,” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. He turned it around and showed her the first picture the cowboy sent. “There he is.”

Natasha’s eyes went wide. “Oh wow, is your phone cracked?” She took the phone in her hands to get a closer look. Bradley looked away. He and Natasha had talked about boys before, but that didn’t stop him from feeling a little bit embarrassed. His head snapped back to her when he heard her snort. “Save a horse?”

Bradley snatched his phone back. “I didn’t tell you to read!”

“Sorry! I had to!” She laughed.

She opened her mouth to say more, but then shut it. Bradley watched her cautiously. “Say it.”

“What?” She stuffed more French toast in her mouth to avoid talking.

“Whatever you’re thinking in your head right now. Clearly, you want to say something.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

Natasha finished chewing. “It’s just nice to see you get excited about talking to someone. Feels like the start of you getting over her-”

“Okay, that’s enough of that.” He cut her off.

She plopped her fork down. “And that’s why I wasn’t going to say anything in the first place!”

“Besides, it’s obviously not going anywhere. He ghosted me.” He grumbled.

“Have you considered that he was on the clock technically? Had other ‘clients’ to.” She wiggled her eyebrows. Bradley didn’t want to think about that. He liked to think that Stripper Cowboy talked to him and only him that night. That no one else in the club was as interesting to talk to. 

“Nope.” He said confidently, sipping his drink.

Natasha couldn’t stand him. “What’s the move then? You’re waiting for Mickey to wake up, but then what are you going to do?”

Bradley shrugged. “Ask him who the cowboy is.”

“You really think he A: got the cowboy’s name and B: was sober enough to remember it? Are we talking about the same Mickey Garcia?”

Bradley tipped his drink towards her. “Soon to be Fitch-Garcia.”

Natasha shook her head. “Mickey’s gonna want to be first and you know it.”

“Wanna bet on it?”

“Yup.” Natasha stuck out her hand. Bradley shook it.

“They need to settle on a wedding date soon. I’m going to need to get a suit-”

“Don’t change the subject.” Natasha glared at him.

Bradley put his hands up in defense. “Fine. I’m going to ask Mickey where they went out last night. See if maybe I can find something on Instagram about this guy? Maybe reach out and talk to him more. And if I can’t find anything...I guess I’m going to the club,” Natasha was smiling. This was concerning. “What?”

“Nothing. This is just going to be fun, that’s all.” Her tongue poked out devilishly between her teeth.

“You know if you’re having so much fun, why don’t we invite our waiter friend back here, huh? Bob! Oh, Bob!” Bradley raised his voice and started waving his hand. Natasha reached over the table to grab his arm and force it down.

I posted the first chapter to ao3 just now! I'm so excited to see where this story goes and feel inspired to write again. Thank you to everyone who commented on the last post!!

[codename-adler]

kevsethaaron? do tell me more 👀

Kevsethaaron hcs for Adler’s socmed au

because not everything can translate into socmed format and i have thoughts 😇 but also, this is (almost) strictly speaking in the context of the socmed au & how i’ve characterized the boys over there… not sure about a more canon-ish version of them… may this list trigger smth in you & me & all of us...

in no particular order:

it’s very important and special to me that Kevin & Seth go from hating each other to that cinematic moment when the hero and the antagonist team up to defeat the Bigger Bad Guy (thinking of that Reylo fighting sequence in SW8…); OR suddenly find common ground in shared trauma (like Peter Parker and Flash in TASM when Flash tries to surprisingly comfort Peter after Ben’s murder…)

BAMF Striker duo make brain go brrrrr! Kevin & Seth & Aaron included.

Aaron really gets his praise/competency kink going with being able to backline like a god to protect these two tall mf strikers; one of his pride and joys is to lock down the back line and destroy any opponent who tries to get in the strikers' way. Neil complains Aaron never puts as much of his heart in it when it's Neil's turn on the court

these bad boys can fit so many hair petting session in them. there's Seth's addicting buzzcut, Kevin's thick luscious locks and Aaron's feathery soft angel hair; it's all hands and heads on deck, whether it's just 2 of them or all 3; but it's safe; cuz casual intimacy is hard y'all

i just love how they're the 3 resident addicts and i put them in a freaking throuple. like that's bound to crash and burn. but no. they just become addicted to each other. sparks fly. fire doesn't catch. they work hard to make this crack house a home. so silly.

Seth taps into Aaron's need for silliness; Aaron taps into Kevin's need for studiousness; Kevin taps into Seth's need for esteem

Seth taps into Kevin's need for adoration; Kevin taps into Aaron's need for competency; Aaron taps into Seth's need for empathy

wtf do they do on dates?

well, so many study dates, because Kevin loves it, and both Seth and Aaron need it; Aaron because pre-Med, Seth because he doesn't want to fail his degree and be the dumbest of the bunch (he's really not)

many many many hikes and trips to the beach because they all like to move and show off (do activities in bed count as dates? cuz they do that a lot too. like, a lot. freakyyyyy)

they become foodies together; they find quite a large common ground between Kevin's health concerns, Aaron's lack of quality/varied food growing up and Seth's bottomless stomach and insatiable appetite (my man is always so hungry fr)

when i tell you Seth is elated when he goes Pro and receives his first check, because for the first time he can really treat his bfs

[ilovepersephoneprice]

the Lolita effect present in our pop girlies

Trigger Warning: sexualisation of young girls, discussions of paedophilia (though mild), abusive relationships, daddy issues, that whole gist.

I know a million people have talked about the lolita effect and I know this isn't my typical kind of borderline essay but I just needed to post something about it

I also won't be censoring anything. if I'm going to talk about something, I'm going to talk about it. So reading some parts may be disturbing, because that content is disturbing.

So, what am I talking about? I'm going to be talking about the pop culture impacts that Lolita 1997 has had. When speaking about Lolita, I will be referring to the 1997 movie unless said otherwise because that's what's relevant and what I know the most about. I watched it recently after hearing about it for years in discussions like this one and think it's relevant again.

there may be typos and whatnot, I apologise, reading on screens already wigs me out (I think I need glasses maybe) so proofreading sucks

What is the Lolita effect?

The name Lolita coming from Vladimir Nabokov's book, Lolita, that depicts a paedophile's (the paedophile's pseudonym is Humbert Humbert) obsession with this 12 year old girl, Dolores, through his unreliable gaze. He calls her Lolita as his version of nymphet, a sexual attractive young girl, like minx; a flirtatiously mischievous girl. It should go without saying that Dolores isn't a minx or nymphet. She's a 12 year old girl who is actually quite gross at times, like a 12 year old girl would be. Stomping around, picking her nose, pulling out wedgies in public. But throughout the whole book Humbert Humbert is trying to convince you that no, she isn't a 12 year old little girl, and I'm not a pervert, she's this sex symbol and I'm just a weak man she's manipulating with her body.

Sickening. Disgusting. Gross in every way.

The Lolita effect describes the sexualisation of young girls. A girl with heart shaped sunglasses and pigtail braids sucking on a lollipop while watching the boys, being lusted after by the guys? Lolita effect. Quite literally given this is the cover of many copies of Lolita, despite Vladimir Nabokov's own direct wish for no girl to be ever depicted on the cover.

Vladimir Nabokov's desired cover design of Lolita on the left.

"aesthetic" version on the right.

Well, when did this change happen? Lolita 1962, directed by Stanley Kubrick.

Stanley's movie adaptation of a book that its own author asked for it to never be made as a movie was the spark of this controversy. Then came Adrian Lyne.

This rubbed so much salt in the wound of Lolita being romanticised it became the romanticised Lolita adaption. Blue print if you will. Just read the poster to see why. "Erotic" "stunning and emotionally gripping" "a forbidden love" "an remarkable/unmistakable attraction" "the ultimate piece"

Adrian Lyne himself called it a love story. People had been misunderstanding Lolita for decades, such as in 1959, Robertson Davies, a novelist, said that the theme of Lolita is "not the corruption of an innocent child by a cunning adult, but the exploitation of a weak adult by a corrupt child." which not to get angry, BUT THAT FIRST STATEMENT IS LITERALLY WHAT IT IS. DOLORES IS 12. TWELVE. So, it's not like this adaptation was why people believed this story was okay to romanticise, but the aesthetic sold it.

Lolita 1997 aesthetic

here are some examples of outfits throughout the movie.

very aesthetic, very cute, very 50s americana

defined with pigtails and braids, two piece sets and an American flag colour palette, it was made a very "aesthetic" movie when the contents are literally horrifying. Like I felt ill watching it. As you should because this is a movie about paedophilia. Not love.

Now, how is this relevant? As I showed with the first 2 images of this post, it's become an iconic aesthetic and reference. A 50s Americana aesthetic isn't a Lolita aesthetic, it's an aesthetic that Lolita in the 1997 adaptation shares. However, you'd be remiss not to acknowledge the parallels. Which is where everyone's favourite pop girly right now, Sabrina Carpenter, comes in.

Just aesthetic wise, you can see similarities. Sabrina's aesthetic recently has been very 50's, Americana, gingham, matching sets, red/white/blue/yellow.

There is nothing inherently wrong with this aesthetic. However, there is an issue into feeding into the sexualisation of young girls.

First of all, I just want to say that Sabrina's height and youthful appearance have always been a thing. There's been short jokes made about her since she popped out I'm sure. But there's a difference between "I'm so short" and saying "I'm full grown but I look like a niña" implying that she's a little girl that's legal "come put something big in my casita" casita being a small house, referring to her vagina, and the "something big" referring to a penis. "Mexico, I think you are bonita" for her nonsense outro Mexico n3 of the eras tour of which she was an opener. Already weird, but continuing, in her lyrics, we get "when I love you, I'm sweet like an angel, drawing hearts round our names and dreaming of writing vows, rockin cradles" which there is nothing inherently wrong with, even if it is a bit more child like, like a school girl crush, because she does follow it with "don't mistake my nice for naive" basically saying "no, I'm not this little girl. I'm a woman." which is great. but that goes down the toilet when she chose Juno, a movie about teen pregnancy and a teenager coming to age through that, for the movie she wanted to base her want to get knocked up on. Weird.

But hey, she isn't the woman in the industry we should worried about selling a sexy baby act.

Addison Rae

Addison Rae has come from tiktok, now trying to cement herself at a pop girly, I think she has a market, however, her brand is what's throwing me off.

I've seen endless interviews where she's dressed up in tutu material and bright colours like a kid, speaking in kid like tone, pouting, just really little girl like. Which isn't a crime, until her songs are about sex. she sells 2 narratives in her music. "I'm an innocent untouched girl" and the whore/slut, both words she uses herself.

examples include "losing all my innocence" "untouched" "young" "young, dumb, and cute" "do I provoke you with my innocence?" but switches it around with calling herself a "dance whore" in New York or "with a cigarette pressed between my tits, you know I'm not an easy fuck, but when it comes to shoes, I'll be a slut" in high fashion. Now I am not at all suggesting someone can't be cute and hot, or desirable and adorable, but when promoting a song, which is all about a loss of innocence, implying a loss of one's virginity, "my cheeks are red like cherries in the spring" "im your baby" "losing all my innocence in the backseat" "untouched" "young lust" for reference, playing into this innocent little girl act is weird. She played up that act because its what the public likes. Seductive, yet innocent. 'Make us wanna sleep with you, but dont you dare just give away your virginity, its an important virtue for a young woman.' Does part of this come from the public's madonna/whore complex? absolutely. But there is a difference between coexisting as cute and hot, and sexualising youthfulness. Which is what Addison Rae has done.

"how do you know that she's not just like that?" because she drops it as soon as she wants to be respected. Which I'm sure many women can relate to. Speaking "more like a man" when you want to be listened to. "And I wonder what it says about me that I feel pretty in a dress, but powerful in a suit" as Blythe Baird expresses in her poem Girl Code 101. However, Addison makes sure she's still pretty, hair down, make up on, still youthful looking while I think you'll find women ditch "young" and go for "mature" for a business meeting.

But to tie this all together

Why is this aesthetic and these motifs so prevalent?

Surely not all of these women watched Lolita and said "yep, im going to feed into that" so why are there so many parallels?

well, as Addison says in times like these "am i too old to blame my dad?" referencing daddy issues as the basis of her issues, while on only track 3 of her self titled album saying "wanna roll one with Lana."

and as you can see, Sabrina can be seen here using a Lana Del Rey song while promoting her new song, Manchild, that 2 of those images for that aesthetic example from earlier come from the music video for said song.

Lana Del Rey.

from having a song called Lolita romanticising such, to romanticising such in another song called Off To The Races where she uses lines from Lolita like "light of my life, fire of my loins" which is what Humbert Humbert refers to Lolita as, to romanticising abusive relationships with older men steming from her daddy issues, Lana Del Rey is guilty of pushing this aesthetic and these themes into the mainstream. The similarity between the men and what they are seen doing with the girls to how they're described to the 50's americana aesthetic getting claimed as "so Lana Del Rey" during the born to die era, this is where it comes from. Lana Del Rey's Lolita, 50's americana, sexy baby aesthetic. As Billie Eilish said to every pop girl out there today, "she made you." Lana Del Rey is the blueprint for so many in the industry. This whole rant proves her mark on pop culture. Good or bad.

okay, that's it, I could discuss this further but I mostly wanted to lay this all out so I didn't feel crazy with it all up in my head. byee!!!

[mace5andtalon5]

Here’s something that’s been on my mind for far too long. Think back to Shellshocked Part 2 and the scene in which Viggo and Hiccup are alone on Toothless and have this conversation:

Viggo: ‘Poor, dear Hiccup. Relationships can be… complicated. Am I right? Then, while I cannot put myself directly in your shoes, I can most surely empathise with your situation.’

Hiccup: ‘You can, huh?’

Viggo: ‘Absolutely. To be in love with a girl who is your partner in battle? Not sure how I would balance such a precarious situation – it can certainly cloud the mind, impair judgement, make even the simplest decisions vexing.’

I love this scene for many reasons, but most of all because of one particular word Viggo uses: empathise.

I find it intriguing that Viggo chooses to use the word empathise rather than sympathise when discussing Hiccup’s predicament. And, make no mistake, this was a choice. Viggo demonstrates his way with words throughout the series – his eloquence and masterful use of language are intrinsic parts of his character. Assuming the use of ‘empathise’ and ‘sympathise’ could have been used interchangeably could be reasonable had another character said these words. But not Viggo. A character who chooses his words so carefully would never have made a mistake like that.

So, this leads us to consider what can be inferred from Viggo’s choice of vocabulary. There are many opinions on the exact differences between empathy and sympathy, but the general consensus appears to be that sympathy involves having an understanding of someone else’s suffering, whilst empathy involves being able to imagine and feel the emotions of another as if they are your own. To me, that begs the question: do you have to have felt the emotion in question in order to empathise with someone else experiencing it?

To contextualise, in this episode, Hiccup is in a difficult position – he must balance his professional responsibility of leading the Dragons Riders into battle with the personal responsibility he feels towards protecting Astrid – responsibilities that are in direct opposition with each other, and thus lead to an uncomfortable mixture of emotions – his love for Astrid, his fear of putting her in harm’s way and the risk of losing her. In this scene, Viggo claims to empathise with these feelings. Now, I ask again: does one have to have experienced said feelings in order to have the emotional capacity to empathise with them?

This is where I am unsure. Viggo openly admits that he ‘cannot put [him]self directly in [Hiccup’s] shoes’ (listening back to the audio, he puts a lot of emphasis on the word ‘directly’). Could that mean that Viggo may have been in a similar situation at some point? To have loved another? Or that he admits he has the capacity to care for someone else in this way? Or is this merely an intellectual understanding of Hiccup’s feelings? (in which case, the word sympathise may have been more appropriate). As we see Viggo manipulate people’s desires and emotions time and time again through the series, there is no doubt that he is extremely emotionally and socially intelligent. But what isn’t clear is the source of this intelligence – has he learnt this through years of observation and analysis of others that have gained him a certain level of cognitive empathy? Or does some of this stem from his own experiences and generate a genuine, emotional and empathetic response in this moment? (If and how Viggo decides to act on this emotional response is another matter entirely).

Then, there is a third option. That is that, this too, is just another manipulation tactic. That Viggo chooses to lie and tell Hiccup he empathises with him in an attempt to topple him. Viggo goes on to try and instil doubt and fear into Hiccup’s mind – warning him of the dangers of caring too much about Astrid. Perhaps Viggo chooses the word ‘empathise’ in the hope that Hiccup will pay more heed to his words if he believes his own adversary (and mentor in many ways) empathises with his predicament. Would this not be the perfect way to emotionally manipulate Hiccup into overthinking his decisions and making choices out of fear rather than reason at the critical moments? This is made more plausible by the way in which Viggo attempts to bargain for the Dragon Eye by capturing Astrid at the end of the episode.

It is difficult to know how much of this conversation is pure manipulation or whether there is also some sincerity to Viggo’s words. Knowing Viggo’s exact capacity for empathy is virtually impossible to guess. He has done some unquestionably dastardly things in order to achieve his own ends – from infecting his own crew with the Scourge of Odin, to bringing about the demise of his own brother seemingly without any remorse. But, we must also consider that the version of Viggo we see in the series is a performance– we often see him scheming, manipulating the riders and generally trying to win the grand ‘game’ he and Hiccup are playing. But we never see the quieter moments – the aftermath of his latest feud with Hiccup, the moments he is alone with his thoughts or sharing them with someone he trusts completely (if such a person exists). In contrast, we see Hiccup having honest and open conversations, often with Astrid or Toothless, or sometimes just speaking to himself, which enables us to gain a deeper insight into his thoughts, feelings and inner workings of his mind. We don’t have this with Viggo, so it is impossible to assume his exact thoughts and feelings about certain situations – whether he ever does empathise with others, feels bad for the suffering he causes or experiences feelings close to Hiccup’s in this episode.

Whilst there is some evidence of Viggo’s ability to care for others in seasons 5 and 6 (saving a Hunter from a fiery demise when retrieving the Dragon Eye from the volcano and sacrificing himself to save Hiccup from Krogan and Johann), this occurs after the events of season 4, so it is difficult to say whether this was always part of Viggo's character or was brought about by losing everything at the end of season 4 and developing a new perspective through the events of seasons 5 and 6.

One final point: I find the setting of this scene interesting and it may also give us some clues. This is one of the few times Hiccup and Viggo are completely alone and on neutral ground (or sky, I guess?) Other than Toothless, no one else is in sight or earshot – Viggo and Hiccup are alone in the middle of the ocean. I think a big part of Viggo’s character is maintaining his image and reputation for an audience – being the leader of the Dragon Hunters, manipulating a whole group of Dragon Riders or selling to clients – all of which require a certain level of bravado. But here, there is no one besides Hiccup. Yes, I believe Viggo is attempting to unnerve Hiccup, but I also like to think there is some level of sincerity to this conversation. Viggo respects Hiccup. As much as he wants to outwit him, he also holds enough respect for Hiccup to want to have a genuine conversation with him too. Viggo’s image doesn’t matter so much here – he and Hiccup are equals – occupying the same position on either side of the game board. Viggo even starts the conversation by casually mentioning an upcoming Maces and Talons tournament. Somehow, I think this leads to some genuine words being spoken between the two of them, however much it may be cloaked by Viggo also trying to make Hiccup feel uneasy about this relationship with Astrid. This makes me believe that Viggo was being honest when he said he empathises with Hiccup, even though the overall aim was to unsettle him, and I find the implications of this very interesting. At least, that’s the way I like to think about it (but we all know there are two ways to be fooled: one is to believe what isn’t true, the other is to refuse to believe what is - so Viggo might have me there!)

Anyway, that’s all from me. Thank you for persevering through my rambling. I’d love to hear anyone else’s thoughts/ theories on the topic!

[jikooklove9795]

That was me, thank you so much for answering me in such detail, the angel comment the next day and serendipity lyrics is 👀

please can you do Seoul Final ‘truth untold’ if you haven’t done so already

love your blog thank you

Hi 😊

I'm so glad to know that you enjoy my blog. Thank you so much for the support! And I'm really sorry for the late response, but let's get to it shall we?

The 2019 concerts gave us so many memorable Jikook moments, but the last three nights in Seoul felt different. It was more intimate, more vulnerable, more real. It was about truth. Their truth. Jimin and Jungkook didn’t just perform, they spoke with their actions, their eyes, their presence beside each other. They embodied the very heart of Speak Yourself, choosing to express not just who they are individually, but what they mean to each other.

There was a raw sincerity in the way they looked at one another, stood close without hesitation, and allowed their bond to shine without filters. It felt like a silent confession played out over three nights. A declaration that said, “This is us. This is our story. This is the person I love.” They’ve always been honest with us in their own quiet way, and in Seoul, they let the truth be seen and felt. Right there, in plain sight, for anyone ready to understand.

The Seoul concerts were held on October 26th, 27th and 29th 2019. And here's a sweet detail: Jungkook's parents attended the last Seoul SYS concert.

Before diving into TTU, let me do a quick run down of the other special moments on these three nights.

(I couldn't find the individual videos for the moments I wanna talk about so I have linked various videos and mentioned the time stamps for that particular moment)

1) At 00:33 of the above video, Jungkook says "I think I have confirmed the love today,” then turns to Jimin and locks eyes with him. Jimin pauses mid-thought, smiles, and then asks, “What do you think of ARMY’s love today?” Jungkook pauses for a moment thinking and is about to answer but Yoongi cuts in right at that moment. Maybe Yoongi felt things were getting a little too charged with how Jikook were acting so he stepped in to diffuse the moment.

2) The next moment is from Make It Right. At 1:14 of the above video, Jimin sings “Nothing mattered” and then turns to Jungkook, holding eye contact and points at him as he sings “Nothing but you.” You can see Jungkook mouthing the same words right back at Jimin. It was such a tender and intimate moment. Like a moment meant only for them.

3) The next moment is from Run (07:00 of the above video). The closeness, flirting and familiarity is just...

4) Jungkook (singing): All this is no coincidence

Here, Jungkook reached into Jimin’s blazer, holding onto his waist for a second, but then he pulled back, settling for the blazer instead. Maybe he realized they were already toeing the line, too close, too intense and that eye contact wasn't helping. Anything more would have been too much to handle out in the open and would've said everything they weren't trying to say out loud.

5) The next moment is when they're performing Boy With Luv (2:14 of the above video). At the end of Boy With Luv, the lights go out with Jimin and Jungkook standing apart but when the lights come back on, surprise! They’ve somehow ended up right next to each other, like magnets that couldn’t stay away. Their heads pressed together with the rose still in Jungkook's mouth. Coincidence? Or just a little magic from two people who know exactly where they want to be.

6) Jungkook looked at Jimin and then decided to draw a heart for him

7) Jimin being Jungkook's comfort and safe place

Now, let's get to your ask about TTU.

This is from day 2:

And this is from day 3:

Usually, during The Truth Untold, Jimin sings “And I still want you” alone, with his back to Jungkook and no eye contact between them. But during the final three nights in Seoul there’s a special moment that only happens between Jimin and Jungkook. At the end, Jimin slowly turns to face Jungkook, and they hold each other’s gaze as they sing “But I still want you” together. Even as the lights fade they don't look away, creating a private, meaningful moment that only they share amidst the rest of the unchanged performance.

This was a quiet but powerful change. The change from “And I still want you” to “But I still want you” especially when sung together by Jimin and Jungkook while looking into each other’s eyes, carries a profound emotional weight especially in the context of a song like The Truth Untold, which is about hiding one’s true self behind a mask out of fear and shame.

The word “and” in the original line feels passive, resigned. “And I still want you” reads like a quiet continuation of sorrow, a longing that persists in silence, without hope or change. It fits the narrative of the masked character who watches from afar, unable to step forward, too afraid to be seen for who he really is.

But changing that one word to "But" shifts everything.

“But i still want you” introduces resistance. It carries a sense of conflict. In spite of everything, despite the fear, despite the mask, despite the impossibility… I still want you. It’s no longer just longing. Its longing that fights through obstacles. It implies a conscious choice. It's them pushing the boundaries and choosing each other no matter what.

Coming from Jimin and Jungkook, two people in a closeted relationship, the change feels deeply symbolic. It’s not just lyrical or performative. It reflects something emotional and real. In a song about hiding, their shared gaze and the change in that final line feel like a moment of quiet rebellion. It’s like they’re saying "We're still here and we still want each other, even though we can’t say it out loud.

That one word—but—carries all the weight of what remains unspoken. It transforms the ending from silent ache to quiet courage. It’s the difference between longing in secret and choosing to love in spite of secrecy.

For fans who have followed them closely, who understand the weight of subtle gestures in a relationship that's never been publicly acknowledged, this change hits like a confession. Not loud. But real.

2019 was undeniably Jikook’s year, and the Seoul final was the peak of it all. From room sharing confirmations and the Magic Shop VCR to LA date nights, car rides, and flirty moments during BWL era, their bond was constantly on display. We saw Jungkook telling Jimin “I love you” on stage and also hand signing it to him in front of all those cameras and people. How can we forget the iconic RB moment??!! Their hangouts in London with Jimin's friends, their unwavering presence at each other's individual practice stages and visiting other member's shooting sets together showed us they were constantly together off cam. From Jimin flying in just for Jungkook's birthday, Jungkook getting Jimin's initials tattooed, bringing him snow from a mountain to love letter styled birthday posts, every moment built up to something beautiful. The Seoul concerts were simply the grand finale to a year full of love.

And all of this stirred up the antis, leading them to email BigHit with fan service accusations aimed at Jimin and Jungkook. But none of it fazed them. Despite being a closeted couple, they never backed down from showing their love, they continued to stand by each other, steadfast , unbothered and deeply connected.

The Seoul final marked their second concert after the September break and we all know the weight that time carried. But through it all, their bond shone even brighter, louder than any whispers or made up rumors. It made me think, could this be why they changed the lyrics in TTU during the last three concerts? In line with their tour’s title Speak Yourself, Jimin and Jungkook laid bare their hearts telling their story through that one word change, "And I still want you" to "But I still want you" while holding intense eye contact. It was their way of saying that no matter the struggles, they will always choose each other because what they have is too rare, too deep, too beautiful to ever let go.

The lyrics of Serendipity really resonate with me when I think about Jikook. Especially these lines:

All this is no coincidence

Maybe it's the providence of the universe

The universe has moved for us

Our happiness was meant to be

Everything was destined

There's a theory that this song was inspired by their relationship. No wonder Jimin and Jungkook are always laying claiming over the lyrics "You're me, I'm you".

The change in TTU also felt like their way of speaking to those who’ve followed their journey, who’ve believed in them and stood by them. Through that small but meaningful change, they were saying "We're okay. We have each other and we are never letting go". It was a message of reassurance, a silent vow that their love remains unshaken, no matter the forces trying to tear it down. I’ve always felt that Jimin and Jungkook use gestures and subtle signs to tell their truth. Not because they don’t want to speak it out loud but because they can’t. So instead they let their love speak through their actions saying everything words never could.

Thank you so much for sending this ask. I enjoyed answering it. Take care 💜

Credits to owner of the videos

[yandere-sins]

What are your thoughts on cruel/sadistic yanderes?

Could you do a ranking of potential cruel yanderes from HSR?

Love me all kinds of yandere, but I feel like there are a lot of variations of cruelty, so I needed to separate them a bit! :D

Blade; Castorice; Mydei; Jingliu; The Herta; Topaz; Welt; Moze; Ruan Mei; Acheron, Gallagher

Are the type of yandere that I can see being physically cruel, but not sadistically. They understand that it hurts you when they almost break your bones, that it puts fear into your mind and makes your heart beat like crazy, but it has to be. Your pain serves a purpose, whether it's discipline, putting you in your place, punishment, research, your self-preservation, safety, or their own sanity. They do it because it has to be done for you to learn and cling to them more, for you to be dependant or compliant. It doesn't satisfy them to see you cry or beg, but it does relieve them, knowing they can get through to you with these methods. And they are even happy to take care of you afterwards in their own, unique ways.

Jiaoqui; Jing Yuan; Luocha; Sunday; Anaxa; Argenti; Aventurine; Black Swan; Dr. Ratio; Fugue

Those are the type of yandere that would apply mental cruelty to you, to feed their own delusions and wants. Some like to push you to the edge until you are desperately clinging to them, some traumatize you, some make you feel guilty for them until you drown in their sorrows with them. There are many whys and hows but ultimately, they'll apply so much pressure on you mentally that you start to crack under it. Indeed, it's cruel to see you fall apart beneath their expectations and burdens, but no worries, they'll piece you back together in a way that they want you to be! They won't hesitate to use physical means to mess with your mind, but they usually won't get their hands dirty on you (but perhaps your family and friends). They prefer to watch you crawl back to them, hopeless and lonely, having realized on your own that you have no one but them.

Firefly; Jade; Kafka; Sparkle; Natasha; Sampo; Yukong; Aglaea

The border between needing to be cruel and enjoying to be cruel can be very small. It might happen on accident—they lash out at you and realize that seeing you bruised, battered, and scared actually makes their heart race like crazy. Other times, these characters know about their sadistic sides and enjoy torturing you to satisfy that need. Yes, they love you, but don't you look beautiful with a bleeding lip, whimpering, or tied up? Aren't you so precious when you beg for them to stop, pressing your lips to their skin in an effort to appease them? Did the drugs they gave you make you vulnerable and needy? It makes their heart race to see you at their feet, apologizing and promising to behave. You're so beautiful like that, with that hint of fear that almost looks like reverence in their delusion. If only it could stay that way.

I'll admit, most people belong into more than one category. A mentally cruel yan can still lash out and hurt you physically, and a physically can still apply mental pressure to make you crack at the end of a brutal punishment. Some enjoy the brief moment of dominating you, but don't actively seek it out.

The characters that border on another form of cruelty are more or less all of them, but here are some examples: 1. Jing Yuan (still enjoys the sadistic pleasure of seeing you broken and coming to him after his torture) 2. Mydei (delulu enough to keep telling himself that what he is doing is right, even if it slowly kills you from the inside out) 3. Aglaea (who still takes care of you, even if she enjoyed the sight of you bleeding and begging) 4. Firefly (feels incredible bad after the height of sadism) 5. Argenti (who will call your pain beautiful after you hurt yourself on your escape)

And many more! It's very open to interpretation and characterization, so not everyone will agree with my opinion but that's what I think ^-^ Thanks for asking!

[myfandomrambles]

15th Doctor Episode Rankings

Worst to Best SPOILERS

19) The Interstellar Song Contest:

Yay, torturing a genocide survivor is totally fun (/ sarcasm ). The way it parallels Israel-Gaza makes the whole thing feel icky. Making crying and singing the only acceptable forms of protest feels very much like “respectability politics”.Like he’s a genocide survivor, they saw what The Master did to their planet and how he fucked with the Bodies of her people and they write a story where he has no empathy for this? They felt what it would have been like if they had used The Moment. Why is none of that used for empathy instead of having The Doctor go from 0 to a 1,000. And by using the word triggered all I can do is ask about that therapy arc. You have no skills to deal with triggers? No counting what you see? No deep breathing? No mantras? No visualisation? I’m fine with Dark Doctor and threatening him is okay but going this far in a situation where he’s being paralleled with a real genocide is just Blech and makes me feel wrong. It's done so viscerally by showing the electrocution and The Doctor being so utterly callous and cruel about it. It just feels so wrong and feels like a backslide from where The Doctor is meant to be. Why does Belinda hug him? Like saying he scares her is good. But I think it would have been good if he had gone for a hug and she wouldn't have let him! There is just nothing to make it clear that The Doctor was wrong to do this and that The Doctor should be just as mad at what drove him to this point as he as it him for doing this. And why did this put ice in his heart over all the other harm they've seen? (2/10)

18) The Giggle:

If you know me, you know I'm the number one Giggle hater. I hate that Ncuti had to share his opening with David. It’s unfair and makes him feel like he isn’t regarded as much as his own Doctor. And then he doesn’t get his own TARDIS design. (And never got one now) And then I’m personally hurt by the dialogue 14 has in the garden with the Noble-Temple family. Like No! How dare you insinuate the rest of the companions aren’t family and that somehow this is the end goal of the past 60 years? It’s painful and insulting. So I want to cry angry tears watching this scene, so I will never be okay with it. Cracking the TARDIS in two is assault! She’s a living being. It's horrible she has a soul! Having the TARDIS have a ramp and then not having anyone in a chair/using other mobility aids go into the TARDIS is patronising. As someone who uses mobility aids. Also, making 15 run around dressed like that feels objectifying. (1/10)

17) The Reality War: 

Oh, the many reasons! Belinda getting her timeline rewritten is misogyny and had her character sapped before that! She started out with so much conflict and willingness to question The Doctor but by ISC she wouldn’t even fight with him on torture. Look, I know she’s still a nurse and yes, she’s always been a caretaker and loved her parents but being a caretaker and being forced into the role of mother is different! She never said she wanted to be a mother; that is a different thing entirely from being a caretaker and family-oriented with her parents. Belinda agreed that Poppy should be saved, but not to have her whole timeline changed. She agreed to save Poppy, who was The Doctor’s daughter, not this new version of Poppy! She shouldn’t have been down to having been made into a mom without her consent in the first place, even if she was okay with saving a child.  

In this episode, we had no Susan answers. We’ll never get Rogue back. No payoff to The Doctor’s darker actions from the previous episode. Omega not being anything like the Omega from the classic series. Killing the Rani played by a woman of colour and having her mean nothing. The stupid canon about fertility (why is everything about motherhood?). Implying The Doctor has never been a parent before when 10 has explicitly said he has been before and 12 has implied so with lines like “dad skills”. The Doctor just shoots the bad guy with what might as well be a gun. Why doesn’t The Doctor believe Ruby? He's seen timelines shift and people disappear before (Rory! Amy’s Parents! Themselves!) Then of course, the Sixteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler/Bad Wolf ending, Ugh. Ncuti’s acting was very good and it made the regeneration hurt but that wasn’t enough to clear away all of the problems with this episode. (3/10)

16) Empire of Death: 

Just unsatisfying? Like I do enjoy Ruby’s reunification with her mom, it’s sweet. Ruby's leaving is a good scene. But Sutekh on the TARDIS all the time is dumb and The Doctor just taking him back to all the same places doesn’t make sense. Just tying him up like a dog is silly, but it doesn’t make me angry or anything.  Ruby being normal is okay in that I don't need her to be a god or something. But she needed to have done some kind of Timey Wimey thing that went back and maybe changed something that made her special? Like we have 73 yards that changed her going forward but did that make her “wrong” in the past (which Maestro says) and make her able to make it snow? Because that’s still not answered. It doesn’t explain the hidden song in her heart? I don’t know why any of that happens. And who is the mom pointing at, The Doctor? Why was the timeline able to shift during the time window? I'm fine with her mom being human but maybe have Ruby do something in the future that ripples back through time that changes things? Because “we just believed it so it’s special now” would mean that like most people, would have magic snow powers and Sutekh should want to know about most people? Like most people, are considered special by at least four people? (Carla, Cherry, Ruby, The Doctor). Just ~magic~ doesn’t cut it. Good fantasy stories have RULES. Also, why does The Doctor feel bad about feeling bad about killing Sutekh? We see The Doctor kill people who have done less before. (3/10)

15) Wish World: 

I was mostly just baffled. I watched it and was mostly like I just don’t understand and it slightly affected my ability to feel super invested in everything that was going on. (5/10)

14) Lucky Day: 

I like Conrad in concept but I just don’t think it totally works out the way they planned and it feels confused overall but I think the ideas are good. I think the way it's all set up and the way he manipulates Ruby is really good. I think Conrad is overall pretty interesting. I like the stuff with Ruby’s character overall. I think she’s done well here. But I can't stand the way they do UNIT dirty here. Why are they just DW SHIELD? It sucks so much it hurts. Why are they keeping aliens in UNIT tower now? Why are they having schoolchildren there? Why are they interviewing people now instead of choosing them like they used to? Why aren’t they mind-wiping the people they interview? They used to mind-wipe people who were manning doors! Why are they so public now? Why is it so easy to get into the building? Why did they not have better background research? Why is the security on their networks so bad? Why can they not block the streaming out of their building? This episode makes UNIT look ridiculous; they should not be portrayed in such a manner. (5/10)

13) Dot and Bubble:

I got it RTD. I watched it. It’s about racism, privilege and technology. They are so racist and insular that they kill themselves through self-delusions of power instead of taking help from a black man. But I really wasn’t impressed by it? I didn’t think it was that clever. I guess some people were so blindsided by the fact that it was about racism and felt like they had to be reflective about how they had never noticed racism. Which I guess okay? I just was like yes, racism is bad and those characters are ~evil~ but if all racism was as easy to spot as those people's racism, xenophobia and classism, it would be so easy to understand and break down. And it did have issues with a Black man feeling so sad and guilty about not being able to save racists like he shouldn’t have to! He should be able to say fuck them. Ncuti’s acting was still amazing and I feel his acting in my guts, it was so good. And all the acting, special effects and directing and make-up and set dressing and everything else was Amazing.   (5.5/10)

12) The Legend of Ruby Sunday: 

Kind of boring? I do like some of the character moments between 15 & Kate and between 15 & Ruby. I like the time window as a concept; I think it’s neat. I enjoy the scene where 15 is really upset and Mel tells him to get his shit together. The reveal at the end was like ehhh. But it's not terrible and it's this episode's fault that the payoff is bad. (6/10)

11) Space Babies: 

It isn’t that bad. It’s just not insulting to me. There isn’t anything in this episode that offends me in any particular way. I enjoy it fine. It’s slightly boring yes and the farting ship is stupid but it’s stupid in a Doctor Who-type way. It’s a terrible series opener but otherwise, it’s not that bad. Everyone should just lay off. The story is fine, Ncuti and Millie's acting is good, Ruby and 15 are both in decent form, I think it's good! The abortion allegory is a bit sloppy but I don't find it offensive. If there is deep prejudice or something I’m missing in the text, let me know.(6/10)

10) The Church on Ruby Road: 

I had so much fun with it. I think it was a good introduction to Ruby. I think it had a good 15’s characterisation. Overall, I just enjoyed it and I loved the vocabulary of rope! However, I do find the “foundling” thing funny, yeah, you're an orphan but are you forgetting the whole medical abuse to the point of death your adoptive parent/culture put you through? Like, yes, you were an orphan but I’m pretty sure the terrible abuse and torture would have as much of an effect which makes your story and Ruby’s so very different.  (6.5/10)

9) 73 Yards:

I find this episode to be fancy like it’s done pretty well. I think there was a lot of thought and talent put into this. Millie put a lot of heart into this episode and I'm very impressed with her acting during this episode. I think there is a lot of work put in here. But I didn't think it was genius. I did feel like Ruby’s stuff was decent in the character department and I could feel where it was going. I didn't come out feeling way more connected to Ruby, though maybe it's a me problem, but the episode didn't make me feel like this whole new connection to Ruby; I felt distanced. The political stuff was boring. (6.5/10)

8) Lux: 

I loved everything but the fourth wall break. The fourth wall break makes me very angry. But I've decided to just ignore it. If RTD can just forget bits of canon then I can too. Because every other part of this episode I enjoyed so much! I love Mr. Ring a Ding. He's freaking great and looks awesome and is so much fun to watch. I like the overall design and idea of everything. I like the aesthetic. I like the solution to everything being a sort of mercy is super cool. I like his little song. Just had such a good time. Kind of bad handling of racism as The Doctor just saying “I ignore it by being the best minority” is a little iffy though. (7/10)

7) Joy to The World: 

Look, I actually had such a good time watching it. My family and I all came out feeling like we watched Doctor Who and it was all tied up. It was very Moffat. But I liked 11 & 12, so I didn't hate that. The stuff with Anita was so soft and lovely. Joy wasn’t an amazing protagonist, but I didn't hate her. The Time Hotel was a fantastic idea and I thought it was super clever and looked amazing. I love The Doctor just showing up to get milk for his tea/coffee. The other actors were very good. The Weapons Corp is a good recurring villain and I love that it’s tied back all the way to 2005 without it overpowering 15 as a character, as he was still the main point of the story. 15 was more important than Villengard. It was tied to Boom way more than anything ore 15. With Boom if you watched Boom you feel in on the idea but if you haven't seen Boom you still can enjoy it. So while it is a bit of a memberie type idea, it didn’t feel like it was trying to overpower who 15 is or his story as his arc was still the most important. And he actually had an arc during this episode! I love his little arc! I loved how he had to have some harsher and angstier stuff.  Overall, I felt very Doctor-y, and I'm fine with timey-wimey plots, so I had fun with it and I enjoyed the emotionality of it. I didn’t love Joy’s end, though; it felt a little close to suicide. which is why it couldn’t be an 8. (7/10)

6) The Devil’s Chord:

Overall pretty cool! I think it was creatively interesting and the acting was impressive. I enjoyed the enby rep! Villain panache was off the charts. The only part I didn't like was the song at the end. And of course, the fourth wall break going nowhere was a bit annoying but that’s an overall thing and not a problem by this episode alone. But re-watching this episode is always fun! (7/10)

5) The Robot Revolution: 

I had a good time and I really liked Belinda in this episode. She had a good personality and her pushback against The Doctor had a good standout from other companions. I liked the aesthetic of everything on the planet and the Robots. The side characters were a bit flat but they served their function. Coercive control as a bad guy motivation is good and sets the tone for the season, which is good, but implying video games were a part is iffy as yes, video games are an in to the manosphere, but aren't like the crux of he problem. The Doctor being on the planet before the companion and having this long-term plan was cool. I liked the way he pulled Belinda through time; that was cool. The effects were also very neat. The reveal was a little boring as just "oh Earth is destroyed" did not have me as excited as just the idea of Belinda as a character and her possibly butting heads with The Doctor. I’m sorry we didn’t get as much of that as I hoped.  (8/10)

4) The Well:

The ambience is great, the costumes are cool, Aliss Fenly and Shaya Costallion both fit their parts very well and made the episode work pretty well. I liked having a deaf character actually played by a deaf actor! It did suck that the idea that every nurse knows sign language to the point that it’s like punishable if you don’t kind of implies sign language is just one thing everyone could know and not a group of languages? Not every sign language can be known by every nurse  (like how there is BSL & ASL). But it was still a good watch even if it really didn’t feel like it was the same entity as Midnight. It didn’t act like the Midnight Entity? Like, I know you can say it’s evolved over time so this is its new form, sure but I just didn’t really get the same vibes or ideas of both of them, except paranoia, which is just a common horror vibe. But damn was it a good Horror vibe. Overall, a good watch and felt very Doctor Who.  I want to watch again and look for the short moments when I can see the creature! And the ending of the thing getting off was pretty cool but I never want to see it again.

(8/10)

3) Rogue:

Had so much fun with this episode. Just such a good watch and felt so much Doctor Who vibes here. I loved it here. Rogue is such a good character here and I loved 15 getting to interact with him was such a good vibe. I think you get a moment of him having a darker thought here about wanting them to suffer makes more sense here than what you get in Interstellar Song Contest, as you don’t have the genocide survivor ick but you also have it be deeply reactive to them having killed his best friend. It’s still breaking his healed arc, but it makes more sense as a moment of backsliding. And it’s still much more of a typical “Doctor” response to banish a bad guy to another dimension than to just purely physically electrocute a person over and over again. The general set-up of this episode is very good. I love the running corridors, very cool alien design, spaceships, and future technology. The companion got to do something and I liked the interaction between The Doctor and Ruby at the end of the episode. His having to keep moving forward because grief is always there is pitch-perfect Doctor. Sucks we won’t get Rogue back from the hell. (9.5/10)

2) Boom:

Does this feel like it could be from the Moffat era [12/Clara] Maybe! But screw it I love Moffat era Who so I loved it. The kid actor was too old for the way she was written but otherwise, I really liked it. I thought Ncuti was fantastic as usual. Millie was very good and so was Varada. I loved the idea of him having to stay calm to be able to survive. I thought that was cool. I liked the anti-war commentary that’s Moffat’s bread and butter and I liked it. Is the Dad-to-Dad saving the day stuff cheesy, sure, but I thought it worked really well. It felt very connected to past Doctors: Viallanguard being 9, the president's wife being multiple Doctors, especially 12, and the fish sticks being 11, while not having to explicitly show flashback images to past Doctors. I thought it worked really well. I liked that Ruby and 15 were really key to the episode, as Ruby and 15 had to be in sync (music had just been important in the past episode). 15 wanted to protect Ruby but couldn't, which was good drama. The Doctor talking his way out of a bad place is also something I'm a sucker for. Anyway, I loved it. (9.5/10)

1 ) The Story & The Engine:

This was so creative! I loved how it was different while still feeling Doctor Who. Ncuti made every scene he was in work amazingly! The moment when he realised he had been brought in here and his friend was willing to be sold out because he had lost his home and family before this was so painful. Ariyon Bakare is an amazing actor, omg I loved him. The way this whole episode was styled was beautiful and immersive. I think the way he stopped it via him having so many stories within him, was so Doctor! He’s done similar when they tried to feed The Old god in The Rings of Akhaten or blow up The Matrix in The Timeless Children. I liked that there was a lot of emotionality here. I wish that it had been clear someone was watching the Barber because you can’t assume he’s all better now because he lost his weapon. It’s good that The Doctor saved him but you can’t assume people get better super fast just because you're given an option to get better. I think this was the best god and magic-oriented story we got because it treated the gods as just another being in the universe and not something uber special. The Fugitive!Doctor Cameo was confusing but I can get down with it.  Overall fuck it we ball with this story I loved it.(10/10)

[buddie-fic-recs-this-way]

Hey I was wondering if you could help me find four fics that I just keep thinking about but I can’t remember how to find:

1. Eddie tells Buck to think of the closest distance and says that’s how many steps it takes him to forgive him and think of the furthest distance and that’s how much he loves him. It’s something he usually tells Chris I think.

2. Buck confesses to Eddie who lies and says he doesn’t feel the same way because he is so sure he’ll mess things up. They agree that nothing has to change but it gets weird especially when Buck walks in on a convo between Eddie and Maddie about how bad Eddie feels because he’s hurting Buck.

3. Buck and Eddie try dating but it doesn’t work out, but they remain intertwined for Chris’ sake. It all comes to a head when Buck finds a ring in Eddie’s room. He spirals about it and Eddie shows up at the loft and essentially tells him that all he has to do is choose them and Eddie will wait. Eddie leaves and Buck sobs until he gets up to chase Eddie, but when he opens the door, Eddie is right there waiting.

4. This one is old, like pre Jee being born. It starts with Eddie waking from a nightmare and not even realizing he’s dialing Buck. I think he hangs up quickly and goes to check on Chris before either dissociating or having a panic attack in the hallway. But before things get too bad, Buck is suddenly in front of him.

Other things that happen in that fic:

They fix Abuela’s porch (shirtless mind you)

Eddie refers to Buck as his partner at a family gathering and it’s misinterpreted and I think he has a panic attack about his homophobic cousin’s reaction.

Eddie’s parents are homophobic

Buck kisses Eddie at the station

When Jee (her name isn’t Jee in this fic because I suspect she wasn’t born or named yet when it was written) is born, everyone comes to the hospital and Buck’s parents out him and Eddie and Eddie feels bad about pitching it out of there until both Buck and I think Karen reassure him.

hi!

the first one is: the distance to the stars by cloudydaisies

i swear i've read 2 and 3 but i don't remember what they were called, sorry!!

i don't recognize the last one. i did some searching but couldn't seem to find one that fit the description 😕

if anyone else recognizes any of these, please feel free to share them!! i hope you're able to find the rest nonny 🫶🏻